Noid

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Noid
Noid.png
A cartoony depiction of a typical noid.
First discovered
1986
Last seen
2021
Diet
Pizza
Scientific Name
Homo facetus

The noid is a species of genetically-engineered human-rabbit hybrid said to infest planet Earth despite rare sightings outside of popular culture. Noids are wholly responsible for the destruction of every pizza chain except Domino's, which has adequate defenses against noids, and Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, as noids are terrified of animatronics. Notable noids include the Noid, a heroic, red-clothed noid, Mr. Green, an antagonistic, green-clothed noid, Noid the Hedgehog, a blue-clothed noid that can run extremely quickly, Cappy the Capsule, a deformed, rotund, red-clothed noid, and the Vocal Noid, a noid that poses as Hatsune Miku.

Characteristics

Noids are defined by their humanoid, masculine, scrawny appearance, vaguely rhombus-shaped head, rabbit-like ears, buck teeth, white gloves, and small stature. Each noid wears a skin-tight suit of varying colors with a large black "N" inscribed in a large white circle on the abdomen. The only part of their skin that is normally visible is their nose, cheeks, mouth, and chin. Their skin can be of different tones depending on the region in which they live.

Although all noids have their own distinct personalities, much like humans, they are persistent, expressive, witty, and generally mischievous. Some are good of heart, while others are evil. For reasons unknown, noids display an extreme reaction to, and almost uncontrollable fixation on, pizza, to the point that they steal it to hoard it, worship and consume it, or destroy it. Because noids are a social species, they are always present in groups of at least twenty individuals, each group having one defined leader, and cooperate to assault an individual in possession of pizza, intercept a pizza delivery, or quickly raid or raze a pizza establishment, often in the most outlandish of ways. Otherwise, they remain hidden far from human civilization and minimize contact with humans. To select the leader of the group, each group member competes to eat the most pizza in a pizza-eating contest, a seemingly ritualistic practice.

Noids are highly intelligent in that they are able to create clothing for their offspring or other noids, and can use futuristic technology, presumably taken from the governmental facility they hailed from, to aid them in their tasks. Such technology consists of but is not limited to laser tools, and crushing implements repurposed into so-called pizza crushers. They also use yo-yos commonly as weapons or tools. Noids are also highly creative, as they can quickly overcome even the most troubling predicaments. Their spoken and written language has yet to be decoded but consists of shrill vocalizations, and the word "yo" seems to be integral to it. Noids also often make small quips to themselves or other noids. Noids have also been seen dabbing, presumed to be a friendly or celebratory gesture.

Background

Starting in the late 70s, the United States government experimented on the genetic information of humans and rabbits by combining them. The eventual result was the noid, named by lead scientist [DATA EXPUNGED]. The experiment's success came at a cost, however, and it was that the few noids they had created escaped the laboratory they were created and raised in and into the wild. It wasn't until four years later that a red-suited noid, dubbed the Noid, was first encountered. Since their escape in 1981, the noids rapidly reproduced and formed secluded villages all over the planet. As propaganda against noids, Domino's, in association with the United States government, created the slogan "Avoid the Noid!"